Corporate! Decorated but not Simple

It is said that having a daily routine can clarify your thoughts and help you grow towards any goal you decide. But what if you are actually stuck in that routine and instead of growing, you feel like you are losing yourself in bits and pieces every day?

I was there, stuck in what seemed like a never ending loop, wake up, have breakfast and run to office, return with stress and exhaustion, have dinner and sleep. I did not like what I was doing, every day I woke up with the thought of falling ill or meeting an accident so that I wouldn’t have to go into work. I was ready give anything to break out of this routine. At nights I would force myself to have some “me time” so as to retain a bit of myself from the day that had past. All my wife saw was that I went into work and kept provided. She had no idea of how I actually felt because I never had the courage to share it with her, I kept thinking that if I quit my daily routine and fail to provide for her, would she love me anymore, would she see me the same way!?

I kept cursing myself and blaming myself for being trapped like this, so such an extent that a little physical pain every now and then did hurt much to me. Until one day my wife confronted me, my biggest fear came true, she asked me why I looked so glum, and she thought it was her fault somehow. Apparently she had known that something was bothering me for a long time but was hesitant to ask. I cried it all out and told her how I felt regarding my life. You know how actions speak louder than words sometimes, that’s what happened, she held me so close to herself that night, as if there was no tomorrow. The next morning we decided that we would tackle this problem together.

While I was at work, my wife looked and found a therapist and wasted no time in booking us an appointment. Through regular sessions I understood that I had to take a break, pause and figure out my next move in life. Whether I wanted to continue my job or did I wish to quit. After over a year a therapy, today I do designing for various clients, I don’t make much but my wife, as always, supports me through the thick and thin, be it emotionally or financially, she’s here with me and I can’t express how glad I am.

I’m not sure if it is my place to say this or not, but when you feel overwhelmed and think that you’ve hit rock bottom, talk. Talk to someone because believe it or not there are people who care for you, who’d listen to you and stick with you through the journey you may embark on.